Status Update

Holidays - good (since I returned day before)
Mood - bored
Internship - lawyer not picking up my calls
Hate - the new Blogger layout. Pathetic
Listening to - Alligator Sky (Owl City)
Watching - Vampire Diaries S1E1. Need to know what the fuss was about.
Reading - Wise & Otherwise by Sudha Murty
Thinking - #People who like summers are blessed with no grey matter

Who am I speaking to?

I've recently started going to the temple with my mom on weekends. It's fun. Really. We walk about a mile, the walk being the main purpose, the temple the incentive. I'm not religious, and not too much of a believer either, so all I do there is listen as she recites prayers for one god after another, beginning with Vishnu and ending at Hanuman. She knows a lot of mantras, and says them in reverent whispers, so as to not disturb others. The sequence is the same; always. Another reminder of how I love routine.

There are other kannadigas there too; and I love listening to people other than my family speak kannada. It makes me feel different, feel good. Probably because I've never lived anywhere in a place where the local language is kannada. Strangely enough, when I come back to Delhi after a holiday down south, I feel like I'm home. This duality in the lives of people living in a place not ethnically their own will always remain. I used to find it quite peculiar initially when I used to support South Indians when people criticised them here, but I supported North Indians when people down south would criticise them. Delhiites call me a fake Delhiite, kannadigas call me a fake kannadiga. It was confusing earlier, now I'm just used to it. I don't quite mind contradictions, like a very wise friend said, we don't have to label everything, it's simpler, but in other ways, life is harder if you categorise and sort every single thing, every person, every trait, every habit.

I also think duality keeps us self-sufficient. It might sound like a very narcissistic idea, but it's pretty logical: don't we always say that you need opposing elements for balance? Same way, more traits and more opposing traits keep us balanced, we can be what we like, without really changing. It's like yin and yang all inside you; so you have the flowing energy of the female and the rigid tensility of the male and can switch between them. If you have either, you need the other externally, so you're dependant. Right? I think I need to develop on this idea. :P

Also, it's Holi today, and the streets are flowing pink. Pretty awesome when you're looking down from the third floor. Happy Holi!

Another Vindication of our Rights

About a month back, I was travelling from college to home in a metro. Because it was rush hour, and more because its empty than other reasons, I was sitting in the ladies carriage. The other coaches in the metro were so full there was barely any space to stand. So a lot of men started entering the ladies carriage and standing, initially near the interlinking of the two coaches, later they came in nearly halfway. Needless to say, this was considered a violation of womanly space and everyone felt very uncomfortable. Old ladies started whispering to each other, but no one really said anything out loud. Then at the next stop came in this middle-aged lady who asked the men to move as soon as she entered. The men didn't, quite typically. She repeated, to no effect. By now her action had given everyone else the required spark, and all the women started talking together and shouting at the men. Still no effect. Then the Bond lady took out her phone, and proclaiming that she was calling the next metro station, she dialled a number. Men started moving out immediately. But there were still the obstinate types, confident in I-know-not-what who stuck around. The call went through and the woman started complaining; turned out there's a very heavy fine for entering the women's compartment, this amount on being spoken out aloud by the lady, nearly all the men moved out.

And so the Bond lady saved the day. When this incident began, I was hesitant about saying anything as I didn't expect them to come in halfway, plus I had to get off in 10 minutes. But after that particular woman shook things up, I felt immensely ashamed, and I thought that this inertia, and this reluctance to take initiative is what plagues Indians, and more so women. And I, an educated woman of today, fully aware of this situation, again chose to not do anything to change things.

Coming back to the point, the attitude of that woman, and her zeal is worth emulating, and indeed is what is required to direct change in society. All this might sound very preachy, but I know of no other way to put it, and yet I have to say it, if only just for myself and nobody else.

I'll end this post by saying, very simply, that I will try to not sit down and accept everything, and will take action and show strength.

After the Sojourn

Yes, yes, I know it's been long. Very long indeed. Through project submissions to project presentations to the end-all of exams, the semester's come to an end, and I'm still wondering where it went. But the holidays have been good. The birthday on 10th was different, none of the usual fluttery celebrations or childish gift-shopping this time, girl's turned nineteen, time to act grown-up. Lol.

Have you ever woken up on a morning brighter than usual, the sun ablaze and yet not warm, woken up to the sound of someone playing sweet music in the background and just felt incredibly light, and incredibly new inside? Well, I have. It's like nature is giving you a signal that bad things have happened, and bad things are going to happen in future too, but this one morning, this one moment, it's all good: life's beautiful, and you need to see that beauty, you need to recognise that you can make it all okay just by wanting to make it okay.

I read Osho occasionally, on one such occasion Osho said that when you're feeling an emotion, however pure or strong, don't label it. Don't say 'I'm happy, or I'm ecstatic', because words have a certain meaning and therefore a certain scope, happy means a feeling which is more than dull, and less than festive. He said when you're just feeling an emotion it doesn't know a range, the feeling can change, grow, or lessen. but when you put a label, you confine it to a range from where it cannot grow. And that's obviously not good when you're feeling good. Somehow I see great truth in this simple logic, and I do try to follow it. Not when it's a negative feeling, of course, and you want to stub it right there, when it's a little unpleasant so it never gets too big.

So that's what I did that morning, I just looked out of the window, saw a bright day, listened to the music, and  then, with my heart full of colourful butterflies, I turned and went off to sleep again. That was a nice day. :)

Veritas

I'm listening to the same
new songs on the radio
while acting unconvincingly
that I'm studying;
'rate of population growth', 'job creation targets' ..

(Don't say alvida ... )

Two weeks left, I tell myself
Down from a month. Down from a year!
Its no more a put-off-able eventuality.
Its on my head:
Right here. Right now.

(Na kaho alvida ... )

My mom doesn't want me to leave Delhi.
I'm waiting to leave. Doesn't seem so likely now.

(Aj din chadeya ... )

I wonder if its true,
When most people say they miss home
when they leave.
I doubt I will. I'm known
to myself to be quite un-sentimental.

I'm not missing school either.
Or the 'friends'.

(Zinda hoon main ... )

This life of inertia pleases me.
They say I'm not ambitious.
But I am: I don't want
to work; hard or otherwise. (Doesn't that count?)

(Aj dil gustakh hai ... )

I want to be at my leisure. Always.
I want the security of a routine. Of
free time.

(Chidiya ghar se pakde hain ... )

Edging out rivals was never my thing.
Sometimes most things aren't.
Sometimes most things are.

I look at the calendar.
Two weeks left!

(Wake up Sid ... )

*Switches off radio*
*Opens a book*