The Problem

So this week's been sorta 'enlightening'; in the sense of self-discovery. I learnt that my friends think that confiding is not a natural thing for me to do even with those I hang out a lot with. And that I have a perverted paranoia of looking vulnerable, and so I don't (among other things) talk about my insecurities.  Needless to say, this is all very puzzling to me, as I'd thought I 'shared' nearly just as much as others. Iss khushi (yaa dukh, as may fit better) mein:

I sit at this writing table
Writing about the wonder in my mind
Wonder at the workings of the people around me
Astonishment at what makes me odd.

What was thought natural, is now
Against how it ought to be
What was believed to be sensitivity
Is now a sense of manipulation.

The fountain spews out water
As far as it can;
It thinks that's what it should.
It doesn't see the grimaces on the faces getting wet.

It seems like a flaw,
But no one's correcting it
Is it even wrong?
- But no one's judging.

Like a pentagon-sided ball
I roll around awkwardly
Another side will make me even
But no one's distributing.

reconciliation

Summer has indeed begun to show its effects - power cuts have started in the capital city too. :(

I'm still stuck in the middle of the large wave of law preparation. somehow, i don't know why, but i'm being quite unable to focus. its like those times your mind and body is screaming for a break; but you won't - cannot pause what you must do. in the case of law, its what i want to do, its what i have to do, but still this feeling of utterly despicable de-motivation won't leave me. 

i hope i can get on full swing in another week at the most ...

anyway, general knowledge. by god, who the hell made this subject? when i was younger, i actually liked reading encyclopedias and yearbooks et al. but that theory - of not wanting to do something once its required of you too do it, is so darn true. once i knew i was 'supposed' to read newspapers, i stopped. instantly. so sad right?