'I shot for the sky, but I'm stuck on the ground'

So I know it's been so loo-ong since I last wrote. Soz. Let me begin by saying that I HATE the new Blogger layout, it's probably why I haven't even tried to write here. The second reason being my super-awesome *rolls eyes* wi-fi at hostel. Needless to say, I'm home now, for the Dussehra break. College was excruciating the first month - three projects, the internal moot selection and first term exams. Now it's a 'lean period', so as to speak. But I've noticed I look forward to coming home on weekends, something I didn't do earlier. Even my friends have noticed.

So something really funky happened yesterday. You may not agree with the term 'funky' when you know what happened, but let's not digress. I was hanging out with my wingmates last night, a group of five girls when the topic suddenly changed to guess what - me. So my roommate said something about me that the others didn't know about, and then they were all like, so how come we didn't know that types. And then my roommate said that I never revealed stuff about me to people. That even during the most elaborate conversations what I say is regular random stuff while people are actually talking more real stuff. That I talk trivialties and make people think I'm being friendly and also give them the feeling that I'm close to them.

I have to admit I was more than shocked to hear that. It was said in a jocular way, but I couldn't help feeling like I was some sort of a scheming, manipulative person who learnt about people without letting them in on anything. That got me thinking, and well, for the most part, it's true. I don't let people in on stuff. I don't tell them my feelings about the most significant things. My conversation thrives on humour and random comments. I have issues with expressing affection. I know that. But I never quite put it the way she did last night. Also, I don't think I'm vamp-ish and manipulative. But then that part is kinda subjective.

I hope that's not how people think of me.

But let's stop with the emo crap now. Have to go eat donuts!

P.S. The title is a song I love, and have been listening to non-stop since yesterday. No connection to the post.

And All Over Again,

I went to the Shani temple yesterday. Saturday's the auspicious day apparently. I have no idea why I subject myself to such things; I always come out of them complaining. I watched in utter blankness and complete marvel as tens of literate, most even educated people pour cups of oil and black sesame along with flowers on the idol. I can't begin to imagine the invasive, expansive reach of the concept of god, so much so that otherwise perfectly logical people can do such illogical things and believe that they'll have some effect.

It's amazing.

Meanwhile, I'm still surprised at how I'm forever looking forward to some sort of Hindi soap-like 5 year jump in my life. When I was in the tenth grade, I wanted to get to the proper studies of 12th. When 12th grade began, I couldn't wait to give my entrances and join college. Now that one year of college is over and I have a fair idea of what the rest of the stay is going to be like, I can't wait to start working. I try to remind myself of all of those Osho like sayings which tell you to live in the present and shit, but they're not helping. I don't like being dissatisfied with where I am, but this really peculiar want to just skip the bits that I can kinda predict - is unsettling. If this continues I'll be looking at retiring as soon as I start working. And the idea of that, needless to say, is not pleasant.

And so I'm listening to Puke - Eminem. Don't ask.

Yes, our idea of a DJ is a District Judge ...

I know it's been long, the stats of the page views showed me that. :P
But, I've been busy. I travel for one hour fifteen minutes, get to Tis Hazari, reach court after chamber work at 10:00 a.m. sharp, go about the day's cases, lunch break, work in the chamber and get back home just before 6:30 p.m. after another one hour five minutes of commuting. Once I'm back I'm usually too tired to do anything but watch tv like a bed-ridden patient.

So that's that. But the thing is, I enjoy it. I suddenly can't wait for college to end, even though that's a long, long way ahead. I can't wait to get over mere theoretical studies and the necessities of a degree and start working. I may have expected to learn a lot and enjoy the work, but I didn't expect this feeling of wanting to get out from where I am.

Though there are bad parts: the courts are hot and humid mostly, only the ones with senior judges have ACs. And we have to wait for what seems like aeons sometimes. But I try and listen to whichever case is being heard, so I get to learn even more. And I genuinely don't do much work and I can skip whenever I feel like, so it's pretty cool, all in all.

What I do love, even after two weeks, is the feeling I get when I see lawyer robes all around me; white and black suits and dresses, black blazers and white neck bands. It's amazing. I'm not even a lawyer yet but I already see the other people there, whose cases are being heard, as outsiders.

I'm glad I'm liking my first tryst with litigation, which is something I feel I should do, seeing as most people don't get into legal practice. Will be more regular soon!

All is One, One is All

http://opalodyssey.wordpress.com/2011/06/18/nee-nenaindal/

Do listen.

Credits: Sameer

Status Update

Holidays - good (since I returned day before)
Mood - bored
Internship - lawyer not picking up my calls
Hate - the new Blogger layout. Pathetic
Listening to - Alligator Sky (Owl City)
Watching - Vampire Diaries S1E1. Need to know what the fuss was about.
Reading - Wise & Otherwise by Sudha Murty
Thinking - #People who like summers are blessed with no grey matter

Of typos and plans

Folks!

I'm home. And getting used to typing on the ghar ka keyboard. I miss letters in between words, and I've to keep checking my spellings. I skipped the 'm' in the third word I typed here. 'Folks! I'm hoe' - would have seriously increased my traffic, though. :/

Anyway, so I'm going to be bored and all now. I always come up with a lot of plans for holidays, never have I once, however, even started on any one of them, however bored I may have become. General holiday inertia. But this time, I'm going to do the following things. Pakka.

1. Re-join dance classes.
2. Finish A Brief History of Time.
3. Read Not Without My Daughter, Redeeming Love, and more fiction.
4. Make random craftstuff. I've found blogs and sites on how to make your own notebooks and stuff, and being the environmentalist that I am, I have sheets of paper saved from old books. Most solid plan so far.
5. Swim.
6. Watch a lot of movies. Start with X-Men first class and Hanna.

I just had a discussion with my mom about Bollywood songs aajkal. After a while, after listening to Bhaag D.K. Bose three times, she said 'kalyug hai'. Discussion over. :P But, she mentioned how my nana would always refer to people as D.K. Bose when he wanted to abuse them. Just showing you our ancestors weren't all that golden. :P