Down Down Down

CLAT mein gang rape ho gaya.

Rank 623. I'm positive there's been a mistake; I had done well. Truly. But the concept of re-evaluation doesn't exist in such entrances. So everybody is helpless. I can only thank God I'm nearly through National Law University Delhi. I have a law college to go to; and one that is very good. Otherwise I'd have had to go Delhi University, where doubtlessly I'd have been in an awesome college because of good board results but I wouldn't have been doing Law.

So I guess I shouldn't complain. Still, the human heart always desires more. Its worse because I felt I deserved it. Anyway, no point cribbing irrationally.

Listening to 'So gaye hai' from Zubeidaa. What a pitiful contrast from this morning :P

Will wake up to a new day tomorrow. =)

Meaningless Musings

CLAT results at 9 pm tonight.

Seriously, WTH! What sense does it make to give it out so late? They might as well have given them out tomorrow ..

Its not even funny.

After that initial outburst of irrational frustration I am feeling more calm :P

Listening to Gabriella Cilmi - Warm this Winter. It is summer but I'm already waiting for winter. Although that's not why I'm listening to the above song, but still ..

It’s gonna snow outside
The weather will be cold
But I’m gonna be warm (ho ho) this winter 


What a fun song! I haven't liked any of Cilmi's other songs though - the likes of 'On a Mission', or 'Save the Lies'; they are on a completely different plane from Warm this Winter. 


Went on scribd today. I wonder what documents people post on it: I really can't think.


I cannot wait to watch I Hate Luv Storys! I'm totally hooked by the whole look of the movie, and even Imran Khan is looking good, and expressive, a welcome change. =)


As I had rightly predicted, the papers are full of pictures of people applying for DU. Strangely, all of those kids, who are as old as me, or younger, look so grown-up and mature. I seriously doubt if I'd look that grown-up if I came in the papers. I understand its a really silly thing to be thinking, but its true!


Anyway, Enrique's always such a pleasure to listen to. Yes, I'm one of those who still like him. Some of his songs are ignored by people: ones like 'I have always loved you', 'Could I have this kiss forever' among others are examples.


Lunch is waiting, so I gotta leave now, will write tomorrow, hopefully with a great CLAT result!

Aaj ki Khabar

Played Brainvita/Peg today. Four rounds. Pegs left:
4
3
3
3 respectively.


Listening to 'The way I loved you' - Taylor Swift. Nice-ish. Very energetic for Swift though.


Apart from that, I'm listening to a whole lot of Western classical music - Piano, Cello, Violin, Clarinet etc.
Fun stuff, when you come to think about it.


You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you


And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you


Nice!


I realised day before that when Sid (of Wake Up Sid) says 'Usne teri khuddari ko lalkara hai! Be a man!', it actually a copy of Akash's dialogues from Dil Chahta Hai. Yes, so now you know I have nothing to do ;)


Anyway, So DU admission forms are available now. And I'm not going to be one of those standing in long queues in the searing heat. My mom suggested I should exchange board marks with somebody; cos I need over 50%  only, but that someone may need a lot more. Very benevolent. But not possible.


Today's weather is kind of funny. Since midnight there's this kind of stormish sky, with great noisy winds and also thundering noises. At least its possible now to go out of the house. So no complaints. 


29th is right here now. Tomorrow is to us as wednesday was to aspiring IIT-ians: result time. Let's see what happens. 


Then to Pune on 31st. Yay.

The Rut - Exorcism

JLT

Hey All!

You will today find me in a greatly improved mood as compared with my last post.

I have sort of become more accustomed to the emptiness in my routine and my lifestyle has adapted remarkably. Case in point - I now take an hour to get ready in the morning as opposed to the 15 minutes I took during school time. Yes, I brush for a whole of five minutes.

I watched Kites day before. Hrithik Roshan is good. He's acted quite well, and its almost solely his movie. So yeah. Mori is not even remotely good. But the guys will like her ;)

I watched Twilight too. On TV. And I liked it. This particular occurrence would have been quite unimaginable to me earlier, but I did. Stewart is So dull, but the rest is quite good. Even Robert Pattinson was tolerable in spite of his very limited acting prowess. But I liked the whole persona of the not-so-typical vampire.

Listening to Lost Inside Your Eyes - Eric Nicholas. What an absolutely amazing guy!

'I'm lost inside your eyes. Its like an ocean.' Wow!

Will go over to a friend's today to borrow some books. Primarily. Let's see.

Apart from that, I need to go swimming! Like really go swimming. But I'm just so full of inertia sometimes.

I think I'll go tomorrow ..

THE BIG BOAR

I'm bored bored bored bored bored bored bored so Bored!

I have nothing to do
I'm fed up of myself, which is a first
I wish I had more entrances and I had to study.

Call me crazy, but maybe I am right now.
There's only so much TV that one can watch
And so much net surfing that one can do
There's so much reading one can do
And so much sleeping too.

I feel like doing something
Then realise there's nothing I can
I want work!
I want to study!
Please!

Kya Hai Ye?

CBSE results - 21st May.
Two days from now. Friday 8 am.

Need I say more?

No, I'm not nervous; I don't do such terribly human things. I'm okay. It was going to come out one day or the other. No tension. Specially since I'm not depending on those marks to get me anywhere (Bless the holy Lord). Not now. It was an effective back-up once upon a time, but 126 in Symbiosis has changed that. But I don 't like not doing well, hence the assumed importance.

Had a friend over today. Watched 'What a Girl Wants', again. Didn't like it today either. But fun nevertheless. Amanda Bynes is cute, and she only appears as if she is fat (those cheeks), she is not. Never mind, since I have no formerly rock-band member, now standing for elections, Lord of a father with the most beautiful 'mansion' in UK.

Anyway, my plan for friday with my three beloved friends is all awash because of the board's announcement. Very uncool. But what can one do, so 'grin and bear it stupid, do not bleat.'

Let's hope for the best.

The Boar of Boredom

As you may have noticed, I've suddenly got into photography. Actually, its not sudden at all. I've always had some kind of strange fascination for pictures and for people who took nice pictures. :)
But I could never break the inertia and actually take the camera out and click. However, now that I have nothing else to occupy my mind, I thought, I have a great camera (okay, maybe not really, but that's not important), I have a great mind *wink*, I have time, and I can see. What more does one need to take photos, right?

So I have started, let's see where I end up. Whether this remains a mere amateurish interest or becomes more, I cannot say now, but I'm having fun at the moment and that's all I really care about right now.

Also, I went and watched Badmaash Company today. Shahid Kapoor is irritating, but the rest are okay. Its a very typical Bollywood film with a message and all, but okay entertainment. So I'm not complaining. More importantly, I bought Unexpected Blessings, and so will end the series Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor Bradford that I deeply loved. I got the God of Small Things too, by Arundhati Roy. Will give reviews once I finish.

For now, that's it.
Cheers to a great time reading!

Chhoti si Aasha

I want to be a biker
and travel wide all alone

I want to feel the rush of air
On my face
and feel my hair flying

I want to learn to play the cello
Wear that dress and play on stage.

I want to see people standing in ovation
I want to be deafened by their applause.

I want to read my name on book-covers
I want to read fabulous reviews on the back

I want to be quoted by them, I want to be heard.

I want to influence. I want to inspire.
I want to affect, I want to move.

Move hearts, move feelings
Move people, move nature

I want to change, yes I want to change
I want to change this very world. I want to transform every cloud every leaf every speck.

I want I want I want.

More Random Doodles

Hey!

This Is Result Fortnight! Let’s call it a killer phase, because .. well simply because it is. Yes, NLUD acted all funny and gave the results in (not again) a fortnight. And I was short of one mark to make it to the first list. SO SAD. Mamma said the same thing; couldn’t you have got one mark more for your own good? True. But being as I am, I thanked God I didn’t get one mark less. Or I’d be tied with twenty other people and the board results would assume much more importance. So I’m right on top in the waiting list, and I don’t mind it as much as I probably should. Symbiosis came out yesterday. Only the marks though, no ranks and all. I’ve done well. Although I secretly wish I had got 126 in NLUD. But all is well. Until now at least. Board results are expected on either 20^th or 21^st of this month. That’s less than a week from now. And 29^th is the date for CLAT. God!

And, I cannot say this often-er: I hate summers. The heat, the humidity, the inability to feel fresh ever, the disdainful moods all around. And people say they feel lazy in the winters. Tell me what keeps you spirited and jovial and ever-adventurous in this climate. Tell me what makes you want to go out and do anything, be it roaming around, studying, or shopping. Cos I don’t feel like stepping out of my air-conditioned room for one moment.

Plus, I have nothing to read. First thing I’m doing tomorrow is going to a book shop. I hope. And I think I’ve watched every movie that Zee Studio, Star Movies and HBO have in their stocks. And at least half of Sony Pix’s too, most of what remain are those I have no desire to watch. So watching runs and re-runs and re-re-runs of Castle is what I do now. Seriously. Pitifully. And I’ve discovered something: Fillion is not so attractive at first, but he grows on you, until you find him very, very sexy. Katic, on the other hand, seems really nice at first, but she loses appeal as you watch and watch every day. But I love her name – Stana Katic, so stylish!

This reminds me of a survey I once read about. This site has these pictures of various men and women, and viewers have to rank them on their attractiveness. Now the trick is that they often use different names for the same picture. And they found that some pictures with a particular name were ranked higher than the same picture with a different name! Meaning that an average looking Mary would rank lower than the same average looking Natasha! Very interesting, isn’t it? 

Now

Hello

So yes I got a site yesterday. And yes, I was excited. And yes, I was disappointed. There are no good widgets; you have useless stuff like weather and all. I mean come on who goes to someone's site to check the weather? Although this factor did not stop me from adding it :P

The interface is so un-user-friendly I don't even feel like updating it. I wish blogspot would offer sites. They are so clear in their designs; wordpress (god knows how its so popular) is so messed up.

Anyway, enough complaining for one post.

I watched Zubeidaa yesterday. For those of you who don't know, its an old Karisma Kapoor movie set around partition but not actually on it. Its about this Muslim girl who gets divorced by her husband because their fathers have an altercation. Silly? Definitely. Sad thing is, women throughout our civilisation have put up with such nonsense. And they refuse to support women who want to fight against dogma. Its like crabs who pull each other down to prevent them from getting out of the jar.

Anyhow she then falls in love with this king played by Manoj Bajpai, whom she later marries. So she's this girl who's voluble and beautiful and extremely temperamental because of which she feels like a chained bird in a cage with bars of royal customs and propriety and rules of conduct. When I had seen it as a kid, I'd perceived her to be the good girl and Bajpai's first wife (Mandira Devi) to be the bad woman. But yesterday, since I have grown up and I realise how some conventions need to be followed and how its harder to be disciplined than not, I saw Mandira Devi as the good one who has to put up with the rebellious and moody Zubeidaa; who in turn appeared to me to be without any sense or stability or any real, strong character. She was stubborn, volatile, selfish, and without insight or restraint. Funny how our perception changes over the years!

Its like this line in a song she performs in the movie:
Pagli hawayein mujhe jahaan bhi le jaye 
In hawaon ki saheli hoon main

Being like this might seem cool initially, but if one's nature were really like this, it would be a nightmare for everyone around, I think. By the way, there's a beautiful song called so gaye in the movie with awesome music. Do listen.

Movies like this and Pinjar are so beautiful and emotional that they leave you with this sadness which stays and gets aroused whenever you recall them.

Changing topic, I hate summers. Enough said.

=)

Hey guys!

I now have a website: nidhichikkerur.webs.com

Do continue reading!

Disillusionment (I)

Today I saw another Delhi

I saw a Delhi semi-urban semi-rural

A Delhi that doesn't show the grandiose of a metro

I saw a place with narrow roads

I saw a place where houses still have hand-pumps outside

I saw a place where women still wash the porch themselves

I saw a place where men in vests still lounge around outside the house
Sitting on charpais
Squatting flies

I saw a place where little boys in torn shorts play on the road with marbles
While the little girls sit inside

A place where they educate their daughters just so they can get a better groom

A place where they may not have heard of fancy words like 'biotechnology' or 'USB drive'

A place where the woman is still expected to be subservient and obedient

I saw a place where boys our age sit in dilapidated rooms playing carrom.

I saw roofs of tin
Breathed the smoke of stoves

I saw the walls of mud
Felt the apathy of their minds.

Unfortunately, I saw the real India.

Smoke

Hey
These are the lyrics of one of my most favourite songs: its better with the audio. Still.
Hope you like it.

Smoke 

By Joy Walshe

I guess it just happens like that
One moment just another ordinary day
When the flame is blown out, blown back
Doubles up, flares up in your face

When you look away
Just one moment one day
Love is just blown away
Only smoke will remain
Lingers on for days and days

Smoke hide my eyes
Disguise the darkness I am living
Loving I have given away to you
Cause loving is loving you
Smoke hide my eyes
Do you still cry when you remember
Happiness together the way we knew?
Cause loving was me and you

The flame is the light you live in
Through the darkness
This love is gonna be the light you see
All you see, all you believe in
Til that moment
The spoken words as yet unheard
Were said by him

Slowly darkness begins
Smoke touches everything
Just one word said by him
Loving ends and smoke begins
Just one word that’s said by him

You’ll always be with me
I’ll carry a part of you
Your light is within me
Knowing you’re here
Knowing your fears
But loving you still

Darkness I am living
Loving I have given away to you
Cause loving is loving you
Smoke hide my eyes
Do you still cry when you remember
Happiness together the way we knew?
Cause loving was me and you
Me and you